1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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