put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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