I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Randomize
