I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
