I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
