I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
