Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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