Your dad touched me again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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