Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
