Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
