I'm going to jail i love you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
