Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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