omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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