guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
