Fine. I'll sleep in my office
from now on my penis is your penis
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
