just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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