4 words: hood of his car
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
