And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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