May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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