I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
