dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
