i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
