You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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