Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
