Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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