Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
