in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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