Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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