how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
