Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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