i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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