As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
