Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
