I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
