remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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