a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
