Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
