I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
