Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
