According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
