the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
