They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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