remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
