woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
