If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
