He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
