Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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