Got a toothbrush?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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