I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
