nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
