But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
