Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
