just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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