You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
