I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
