i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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