I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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