you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
