I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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