Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize