I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
