Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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