I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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